we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
