I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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