what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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