i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
