Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
