You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
