If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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