Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
