i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
