you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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