the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
