At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
