Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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