I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
