I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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