Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
