There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
