: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
