duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
