I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
