I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
