If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
