And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
