my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
