Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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