How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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