apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
