Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
