Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
