Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
