Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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