oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
