I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
