Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
