I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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