don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
