Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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