fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
