I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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