I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
