I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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