Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
whose ass print is on the piano?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
