I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
