I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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