I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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