I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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