Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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