Little spoons don't ask big questions
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Boobs are out for the taking
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
