man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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