Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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